The Fantasy by Writer Dave
(A woman around 80 years old is sitting on a park bench when a man around 85 approaches her.)
JOHN: Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat on this bench too.
WOMAN: It’s a free country. The bench is here. Sit. (He sits.)
JOHN: Thank you. Do you come here often?
WOMAN: I come every day. I sit. I rest. I enjoy watching the birds. I enjoy the fresh air and sometimes the company of a stranger.
JOHN: To tell the truth, I have seen you here before. I’ve been wanting to sit by you but was afraid. I lost my wife a number of years ago and have been looking for the company of a woman. I don’t mean to be forward but are you married or keeping company with someone?
WOMAN: My husband passed away three years ago. I am not keeping company with anyone and I too have been looking for someone to share my time.
JOHN: Here I am. So share.
WOMAN: Just a second. Do I look that easy? Do I look like a woman of the street? You may be a nice gentleman but I don’t know you. I need to get to know you before I can do those kinds of things with you.
JOHN: I was hoping for a little conversation, that’s all.
WOMAN: You men are all the same. A woman let’s you sit down and you think you can take any liberties you want.
JOHN: You misunderstood me. I would like to talk to you. You know, with my mouth.
WOMAN: What is wrong with you? Are you sick? You don’t talk to a woman like that. With language like that. With suggestions like that.
JOHN: Excuse me, I was not making suggestions. I was just trying to start a conversation with a lovely woman in the park. I wanted to get to know you before I would make THOSE kinds of suggestions.
WOMAN: How much time do you think I have? I can’t wait around for a slowpoke like you. I have places to go and things to do. Listen, do you own your own house? Do you have a private pension or just Social Security?
JOHN: I beg your pardon.
WOMAN: I cook and clean for you. I take care of you like a nursemaid. I do all those things you want in the bedroom and you turn your back on me at the time when I need you the most. You men are all alike.
JOHN: Excuse me.
WOMAN: Look Buster, make it happen or take a walk. I’m not getting any younger.
JOHN: Martha, this is not how we do it. We’ve been married 60 years. You can’t change the game now. You’re supposed to be a sweet demure girl with a tender heart. Not a slut from the street. You used to be wonderful at this, what is happening to you?
MARTHA: I’m tired of being the good one. I want to be the painted lady, the vamp.
JOHN: We’ve been doing this for 30 years and now you want to change it. I can’t change now. I’m too old to start a new thing. Old dog, new tricks and all that.
MARTHA: I just want to be someone different than the virgin I always portray. Let me be the aggressor for once. Let me ravage you this time.
JOHN: But my back is bothering me.
MARTHA: I won’t hurt you, I’ll be very gentle.
JOHN: You won’t take my cane away, will you?
MARTHA: Don’t be scared, be a man.
JOHN: You won’t let me.
MARTHA: Not today. Today you are my boy toy.
JOHN: I don’t feel so good.
MARTHA: Did you take your blue pill?
JOHN: Yes, but it hasn’t kicked in yet.
MARTHA: You are NOT getting out of this. (She puts her arm around him.)
JOHN: Martha, wait. I have some news for you.
MARTHA: What now?
JOHN: I want a divorce.
MARTHA: What, just because I want to change the game?
JOHN: No, I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. I want a new fantasy partner.
MARTHA: Okay, you win. Get your motorcycle jacket and I’ll be the sweet innocent girl.
JOHN: Oh, good.
(John smiled and threw his cane down.)